Tuesday, May 22, 2007
so now here i am, writing down my thoughts and opinins for the day. okay. maybe not for just today. for like.. a month ago? haha. well. everything goes on fine. nothing much. RP's doing fine. im coping well in here. but then. aiyoh. still miss my secondary school frends. really miss them alot lah. haha. sumtimes.. the topics in RP made me think of them. really. as in.. really think of those stupid funy moments we had in secondary school. haha. let me list down those sweethearts whom i really miss. PAPA, AQIDO, HAREEZ and SUDONO. haha. these are the wanted people!! haha. really. hais. ok. guess wad? im in sch now. sch juz ended. and now.. i decided to blog before leaving. haha. (: was too busy to blog these few days.
well.. hmm. gerald? ok lah. things got settled alrd. but stil, time will know what will happen next.
well.. sumtimes.. i dunno y.. i got angry with him due to the stuffs he'd done. but.. he's part of my life. i mean. face the fact. 80% of my time is his. well. besides family time lah. hais. i dunno lah. i dun wanna let him go but den.. aiyoh. dunno. gonna be our 1 year anniversary soon. i hope nothing much worse will happen. really. im praying hard i tell u. hais. but still.. nvm. i still got that little strength to carry on. & i hope that strengh will help me out in a way or so.
besides that, nothing much hapening.. wel.. my frends in RP really rocked my world at times. haha. esp CLARIS, SHIMAH, EDMOND, JUSTIN, LIONEL,JIA WEI, FIN and maybe.. hmm.. ? hahahaha. damn joker. hahhaa. wokay. well. haha. shall stop here, wokay? shall updat enext time, haha. till then. (:
-& i leave you @ 16:48 :)
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
01 MAY 2007
i woke up in the morning and tot that everything would be okay. i did what i have to do. everything changed when the clock strikes 12.30pm. i went to my cupboard and pick out the clothes that i wanna wear for the whole day out with him. so.. i chose that white shirt that mum bought for me. of cos, jeans would be my preferred choice. so.. after that, i took a bath and mum decided to help me with the make up.. thanks mum. so... after what she did towards my face, i kinda felt... preety good with it.. so i wore my clothes and put on my accesories. i was listening to the song.. :accidentally in love: by the counting crows. so.. i tot everything would turn out FINE. after i met him, for the first 20 mins.. everything was going fine. WHY>? it's because i was trying my best to feel good and be a NICE gal in front of him. i tried to be the bubbly me and make sure things dun turn out sour. but.. once he open up his mouth abt the movie timings.. and blah blah blah, damn, it pissed me off. sad case lah, i shall say. i wunt say that it's my fault or neither do his. maybe, i say maybe, it's both of our fault. i dunno. really, i dun. so.. from dhoby ghaut, we went to somerset. his face was like... argh. nvm. so.. i was praying in silence.. " Dear God, tell me what should i do. " eventually, God asked me to keep quiet and not to talk further, as it might really make things worse. So.. i kept quiet. When we reached cineleisure, the movie was fully booked. i mean it. all of the timings. well.. mostly all.. expected. i wanted to tell him this.. but.. he will always cut in my way and think TOO positively. that's the REASON why i would shut up and let him see for himself, what i really meant. so.. we dropped the whole idea.. went to eat at long john silver and went home. everything, in silence. and i mean it. come to me if u wanna know how i do it. for those hu knew me, i guess u guys by now shud knw wad i'm trying to say in here. u guys shud have known abt his attitude towards my relationship with him. his character can be read by everyone alrd. so.. i dunno how long will these things continue. i really dunno. YES, i gave in too MUCH. YES, i always be the one doing things, to make the situation feel so great. CAUSE if i DON'T, hu will? i knew he will at some point of time.. but.. frankly speaking, im doing what a guy shud do.
im so so sad and disappointed with his attitude for today. i asked him wad is the matter and he kept quiet. i dunno wad is going on in his mind. and it's ALWAYS the case that i'm at the losing end. and it's ALWAYS the case that i have to give in and do what the guys gotta do. told him i don't need much. it's the presence that i need. & presence is juz more than being there. hais. i guess.. i shall stop here. for all my readers, if u guys wanna knw more what happen, do come to me personally. well.. it's not that i will tell u everything.. but.. juz wanna share what i've been thru. & make it as a learning journey for myself and everyone.
and yeah. i forgot to tell u guys something.
based on wad u guys read, juz wanna wish him and myself.. happy 11 monthsary.
01-05-07
yeah. u guessed it right. that was wad happen.... on our 11 months anniversary.
till then, may the stars be with u.
soLong & goodNite
tears, dun roll down till the end of time.
-& i leave you @ 22:29 :)
